By: Maria Williams

Janna Johnson, best-selling author of “Unf*ck Your Mind: Shatter Your Limiting Beliefs to Become Who You Were Meant to Be,” shares three signs that may suggest you are dealing with a narcissist and what you can do to reclaim your power.

The Oxford Dictionary defines a narcissist as someone who has an “excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.” They’re often someone who has an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others—sound familiar?

Chances are, at some point in your life, you’ve encountered a narcissist. Dealing with one, whether it’s a friend, boss, or parent, is not at all easy—especially if it’s your significant other. 

Interacting with them can leave you feeling like an expendable object. You can feel drained, manipulated, and even invalidated. Janna Johnson, best-selling author of “Unf*ck Your Mind: Shatter Your Limiting Beliefs to Become Who You Were Meant to Be,” says there are plenty of resources out there on how to deal with a narcissist, but not many go into detail about leveraging their behavior to your advantage. The tricky part, and hardest concept to learn, is the way a narcissist thinks. It is the completely opposite way most think.”

“What’s really important for anyone who has to deal with one of those humans is learning how to communicate with them effectively because if not, they stay in control,” she explains. As a mindset coach, author, and podcast host, Johnson teaches individuals to take back their power and stop compromising their own well-being for others.

With that said, here are three signs to look out for when identifying a narcissistic personality:

They always try to get a reaction out of you

“Every single move a narcissist makes is 100% looking for some sort of reaction,” says Johnson. “They don’t give a sh*t. They either want praise, or they’re trying to instigate you for an argument.”

“The reason a narcissist does this is because they feed off your energy,” she explains. They thrive on the emotions they elicit from others, whether it’s positive or negative. By understanding this dynamic, you can begin to recognize when they are attempting to manipulate your emotions and exert control over you.

They love-bomb you

Love bombing refers to excessive attention, admiration, and affection from someone. When a narcissist love bombs you, Johnson says it’s usually right at the beginning of the relationship. 

“That’s where it’s just like, ‘Oh my God, he knows me so well. I’m so in love,'” she says. “But that’s how they reel you in. They get to know you, and when they do, your past becomes their playground. This is what ALL of them do in the very beginning of any relationship or friends.”

They use your past against you 

“They use your past against you,” Johnson continues. Narcissists often gather intimate details about your past, vulnerabilities, and insecurities during the love bombing phase. Then, when it suits their agenda, they manipulate and weaponize this information against you. 

They may use your past mistakes or vulnerabilities to undermine your confidence, gaslight you into questioning your reality, or guilt-trip you into compliance. This tactic allows them to maintain power and control, keeping you emotionally dependent on them.

While recognizing these signs is crucial in navigating relationships with narcissists, Johnson emphasizes the importance of not only protecting yourself but also leveraging their behavior to your advantage. Instead of being reactive, she advises individuals to develop effective communication strategies that empower them and disrupt the narcissist’s control.

So, what can you do to communicate effectively with a narcissist? Two things: Disengage or don’t engage, that’s it. 

“Here’s the thing. For women especially, we feel like we have to respond to everything. But you don’t need to respond,” she says. Disengaging from a narcissist’s attempts to provoke a reaction is an important strategy in reclaiming your power and exerting control over the situation. By refusing to engage in their manipulative tactics, you deny them the satisfaction of eliciting the emotional response they want to get out of you.

Instead, Johnson advises you to set clear boundaries and stick to them. This can mean limiting contact with the narcissist, setting boundaries around communication, and refusing to engage in arguments or conversations that are confrontational. Johnsons recommends, “The less you say, the better. Remember, the first initial reaction you want to give is probably the exact one they are after, so don’t give it to them. Instead, respond with 1 or 2 words only, if any.”

In addition to disengaging from the narcissist’s attempts to provoke a reaction out of you, Johnson encourages individuals to focus on self-care and self-empowerment. This can look like seeking support from trusted friends or family members, practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques, or prioritizing activities that make you feel good about yourself.

To learn more about how mindset expert Janna Johnson can help you reclaim power in your life, visit her website or purchase her book, “Unf*ck Your Mind: Shatter Your Limiting Beliefs to Become Who You Were Meant to Be,” out now! 

Published by: Nelly Chavez