Wellness

Why Relationships Fail Even When Love Exists

July 8, 2026

Have you ever thought about why intelligent, well-meaning people keep choosing the wrong partners, repeating the same relationship patterns, or feeling emotionally unfulfilled in marriage?

While most of us start our relationships with “love,” so where does it all go wrong? First, it’s important to note that relationships are complex and diverse and vary from person to person. This makes it somewhat unreasonable to assert that there could be multiple reasons when it comes to a failed relationship. While there are so many factors that contribute to a relationship eroding, including lack of communication, poor conflict resolution, previous trauma, attachment styles, infidelity, trust issues, not feeling supported by your partner, financial problems, lack of intimacy, and the list goes on.

And even if some of us are fortunate enough to figure out many of these problems, it could still be possible that their relationship will not be the same. Why is that so? The reason being that we only focus on the surface-level problems and not on the main one, which is connected to all of these. This contradiction lies at the heart of Love Is Simple, But We Are Not by Andrew Aaron, LICSW.

By challenging the common belief that love itself is complicated, it presents a clear picture that asserts to us to understand that love is simple in its essence, but human beings are what make it complex. For example, their emotions, experiences, or internal conflicts add complexity. The challenges in relationships stem not from love failing but from how individuals struggle to fully engage in them.

At the beginning of a relationship, the connection feels easy, and most of us are on cloud 9. We were unable to express our excitement, and, at the same time, our curiosity and a sense of possibility faded in the latter picture and our true intention to love. Partners are drawn to each other, often focusing on shared interests and positive traits. During this phase, emotional depth is limited because each person is still revealing only parts of themselves, consciously or unconsciously holding back deeper vulnerabilities.

As time passes, the relationship evolves and familiarity increases, and we are exposed to many traits that might not work in the long term. Partners begin to see each other more clearly, not only strengths but also weaknesses, insecurities, and emotional patterns, and what once felt effortless now requires effort.

Drawing from over three decades of excellence as a sex therapist and marriage counselor, Aaron explores how our sexual and romantic relationships expose our inner world and affect our emotional connection with our partner. The book asserts that loving another person requires vulnerability, patience, and emotional awareness. But when these qualities are underdeveloped, even deep affection can lead to heartache and displeasure.

For example, Aaron discusses a wide range of sexual and marital challenges without turning them into labels or diagnoses and focuses on how emotional habits shape behavior. This includes how fear of rejection may manifest as withdrawal and fear of dependence that may manifest as control.

Moreover, the short chapter format, developed from a fifteen-year magazine column, makes the book approachable and reflective. Every section of this book stands on its own while contributing to a broader understanding of how we love, inviting us to pause, reflect, recognize ourselves and our partners, and consider new ways to address relationship and love issues.

By discussing real-life examples and practical insights, the book also encourages personal questions that open meaningful conversations between partners that create space for connection that feels more honest and grounded.

If you are stuck in a rut and want a good resource to understand yourself in terms of love, intimacy, sex, and connection with your partner, this book is for you. If you are questioning yourself and are overwhelmed by negative patterns or are unsatisfied even after having closeness with your partner, Love is Simple, but We Are Not will help you to see a clear picture of the root cause. By highlighting various challenges and countless variations that lovers and romantic partners face when attempting to love, this book offers reassurance that complexity in love and intimacy does not mean hopelessness. By understanding how limitations form and how they show up in intimacy, this book can help readers gain the tools to move toward a more emotionally and physically connected relationship.

For men and their female partners who painfully realize how anxiety can interfere with a successful sexual connection, Andrew Aaron explores that specific experience further in his second book, When Soft is Hard: Escaping the Cycle of Sexual Performance Anxiety, which focuses on breaking fear-driven patterns that undermine satisfying intimacy.

Availability:

The book is available on Amazon for purchase: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GQ2HSCB1

About the Author:

Andrew Aaron, LICSW, graduated with a Master’s degree in Social Work from Simmons College, Graduate School of Social Work in 1994. For more than 30 years, he has helped hundreds of couples and individuals get beyond problems, feel better, and love more fully. During his internships in 1992 and 1993, he began working with individuals and couples. Shortly after graduating, he took jobs in both Fall River and New Bedford, Massachusetts, working with a wide variety of people, including the elderly, couples, adults, and children.

For four years starting in 1997, he worked in a locked facility for teenage boys, helping misdirected, often violent, male teens straighten out their lives’ paths. For two years, starting in 1999, Andrew received additional education and training in the sphere of human sexuality and love relationships. Also in 1999, he started his private practice in New Bedford, within the professional group mental health practice of Psychiatric and Psychological Associates. Currently, he actively helps couples and individuals in his private practice.

He has presented publicly, hosted a radio program, written several books, been on television, regularly been the focus of a podcast, written a column for the Standard Times Newspaper, been a contributor to articles in Cosmopolitan Magazine, as well as numerous online media outlets and for fifteen years was a monthly columnist for SoCo magazine on the topics of sexuality, intimacy, passion and love relationships.