Letters to Tommi presents a portrait of a person through the everyday details that can become most meaningful after loss. Written by British author Ryan Tate as a collection of letters to his late partner, Tuomas “Tommi,” the work recalls not only major moments from their life together but also the words, routines, humour, music and personal habits that made Tommi recognisable to those closest to him.
The letters were written according to what was foremost in Ryan’s mind rather than arranged in a fixed sequence. Memories therefore move naturally between different periods, with an ordinary experience sometimes leading into an earlier recollection or a familiar detail bringing another moment back. Ryan describes this approach as part of the way the collection developed, allowing the writing to remain guided by memory and emotion.
A Personality Preserved in Words
Language becomes one of the ways Ryan holds onto Tommi’s individuality.
The collection recalls expressions such as “Shoutie” and “Ouchie,” phrases that became part of the couple’s everyday vocabulary. Ryan also remembers Tommi’s habit of presenting an injury and expecting his partner to make it better, turning minor accidents into familiar moments between them.
These details reveal personality in a way that broad descriptions cannot. Instead of simply describing Tommi as caring or humorous, Ryan shows how those qualities appeared through particular words and repeated interactions.
Recording these expressions also reflects Ryan’s concern about forgetting the smaller characteristics that made Tommi unique.
Music and the Way He Experienced It
Music provides another perspective on Tommi’s character.
Ryan remembers an evening when the couple watched Miss Saigon at home. Tommi had the soundbar turned up, was wearing his Joe 90 glasses and was completely absorbed in the performance. Ryan found himself watching Tommi as much as the musical, noticing his concentration and the openness with which he responded to what he was hearing.
Other memories connect Tommi with shared playlists and music during holidays and everyday moments. These recollections show that music was not simply something playing in the background. It was part of the atmosphere of their life together and another way Ryan remembers Tommi’s personality.
Humour in Everyday Life
Some of the most revealing memories are also the most humorous.
During a work video call, Tommi casually walked past Ryan’s camera in his boxer shorts, with messy hair and a sleepy appearance. The people on the call immediately reacted, and Ryan later continued receiving messages asking whether Tommi was there to make their mornings more entertaining.
The incident is memorable because of its informality. Tommi was simply being himself within the comfort of their home, unaware that a passing moment would become a lasting memory.
That humour remains an important part of the portrait. The memories are not limited to solemn occasions; they also preserve the lightness and spontaneity Tommi brought into everyday life.
The Meaning of Familiar Routines
Shared routines appear throughout Ryan’s recollections.
Friday evenings, meals, music, walks and quiet time at home all became familiar parts of their relationship. Ryan remembers Tommi leaning over his shoulder while he worked and encouraging him to recognise when it was time to stop. Other memories return to the comfort of sleeping beside one another and beginning and ending ordinary days together.
Christmas also reflects the importance of these familiar traditions. Ryan carefully prepared their first Christmas together with Nordic decorations, candles, greenery, snowflakes and ice-blue and white lights, alongside plans involving family, dinner and music.
The significance of such routines becomes clearer in retrospect. They were not extraordinary while they were happening, but they formed much of the texture of the life the couple shared.
Remembering Through Family
Tommi’s memory continues through the relationships he left behind.
Ryan remains in contact with Tommi’s mother, and the two continue to share memories, sadness and moments of laughter. Their relationship provides another connection to Tommi and allows his memory to remain part of their lives.
Ryan also reflects on the strength shown by Tommi’s mother while experiencing her own grief. He recognises qualities in her that remind him of Tommi, particularly a quiet steadiness and a tendency to find a way through difficult situations.
The memories therefore extend beyond the couple themselves. Tommi remains present through conversations and relationships that continue after his death.
Dreams and the Imagination of Presence
Dreams provide another way for Ryan to experience a sense of connection.
He describes a sleepwalking experience in which Tommi appeared to him and said that he would return when Ryan was ready. Ryan holds onto the emotional significance of the moment as part of his continuing bond with Tommi.
The collection later includes “Tommi’s Dream Letter,” written from Tommi’s imagined perspective and shaped around the experience of dreaming about someone who is no longer physically present.
These passages show how memory can operate beyond deliberate recollection. Dreams and imagination can bring familiar voices, conversations and feelings back into awareness in ways that are difficult to recreate during waking life.
Small Steps Through Difficult Days
The later writing also pays attention to ordinary acts that help Ryan manage difficult periods.
In one entry, he describes feeling overwhelmed but approaches the day gradually, making decisions one at a time, speaking to people who care, eating, drinking water and remaining in the shared home. He recognises these small actions as progress.
The emphasis is not on a dramatic transformation. Instead, the writing acknowledges that some days are managed through simple, practical actions.
Tommi’s remembered qualities remain relevant within that process. The calm and steadiness Ryan associates with him become characteristics Ryan can draw upon when confronting his own difficult moments.
A Portrait Made From Everyday Memories
Taken together, these recollections create a portrait that grows through accumulation.
Tommi is remembered through language, music, humour, domestic routines, family connections and dreams. Each detail offers another glimpse of his personality, and together they create a more complete picture than a simple list of major life events could provide.
The value of these memories lies in their specificity. A particular expression, a reaction to music, an unexpected joke or a familiar routine can carry an entire period of shared life with it.
Letters to Tommi therefore preserves not only what Ryan remembers, but how he remembers it. The person comes into view through the small moments that once formed the background of everyday life.
Those moments are no longer background. They are what remains.
About the Author
Ryan Tate is the British author of Letters to Tommi: A Journal of Letters Written from the Heart to a Heart. The collection grew from personal letters written to his late partner, Tuomas “Tommi,” bringing together memories, observations and reflections drawn from their life together.
Website: letterstotommi.com
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