By: Heidi T. Barrett
We begin learning to wear masks very early in life. A mask is not a physical object. It is a version of ourselves that we present to the world. We create it to gain approval, to avoid conflict, or to feel like we belong. Perhaps you know the mask of the always agreeable person. Maybe you wear the mask of the perpetual achiever. Some people wear the mask of the cheerful caregiver who never asks for help. These masks serve a purpose. They help us navigate complex social worlds. They can protect us in moments of vulnerability. But what happens when we forget to take the mask off? What is the true cost of living for the approval of others instead of the truth of ourselves?
The emotional and psychological toll is gradual but deep. At first, wearing a mask feels like a simple choice. You might silence a controversial opinion to keep the peace. You might push aside a personal dream to meet an expectation. You say ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’. You laugh when you are not amused. You present confidence while feeling insecure. Each small act of inauthenticity is like a whisper. Over time, these whispers become a roaring chorus in your subconscious. You start to feel persistent fatigue. This is not just physical tiredness. It is the exhaustion of a soul working overtime to maintain a fiction. You may experience anxiety, a feeling that you are about to be discovered as a fraud. This is often called imposter syndrome. It is the direct result of believing in your own performance.
Living for approval creates a hollow center. Your sense of worth becomes tied to external validation. You wait for the next compliment, the next promotion, the next like on a social media post to feel okay. When that validation does not come, you feel worthless. When it does come, the relief is fleeting. You immediately need more. This cycle is draining. It separates you from your own internal compass. You lose the ability to know what you truly want or feel. The person you are trying so hard to protect, your true self, becomes a stranger to you. Loneliness can set in even when you are surrounded by people. This loneliness comes from the awareness that the person they appreciate is not fully real. The connection is with your mask, not with you.
The body keeps the score of this internal conflict. The stress of maintaining a false self manifests physically. You might notice constant tension in your shoulders or jaw. You may have trouble sleeping as your mind replays daily performances. Your digestion could suffer. The body is wise. It sends signals when your life is out of alignment with your truth. Ignoring these signals only leads to further disconnection. You are essentially at war with yourself. One part of you is striving to please the outside world. Another part of you, your essence, is begging to be seen and heard. This internal civil war consumes tremendous energy that could be used for creativity, joy, and genuine connection.
So how do you begin to remove the mask? The process is not about blaming yourself. It is about awareness and compassion. The first step is simply to notice. Pay attention to the moments when you feel yourself shifting to meet someone else’s expectation. Notice the tightness in your chest when you agree against your will. Observe the resentment that builds when you ignore your own needs. This awareness is the first ray of light. It shows you where the mask is most firmly attached.
The next step is to practice small acts of authenticity. This does not mean you must make grand declarations. Start in safe spaces. It could be expressing a minor preference, like choosing a restaurant you truly want to go to. It might be admitting you do not know something in a meeting. It could be setting a gentle boundary by saying you need time to think before giving an answer. Each small, real choice is a stitch undone in the fabric of the mask. It is a message to your inner self that you are listening. You will feel vulnerable. That feeling is not a sign of weakness. It is the feeling of truth entering a space long held by fiction. As Richard Davies emphasizes in his book BEcoming: The Essence of Your True Self, vulnerability is the very path to liberation.
This journey of return is the central theme of BEcoming. The author, Richard Davies, draws on decades of experience to guide readers through this tender process. The book is not about adding another layer to your life. It is about the gentle, courageous work of peeling back the layers you have accumulated. It helps you distinguish between the voice of fear, which clings to the mask, and the voice of wisdom, which knows your true shape. Through reflective exercises and insightful stories, BEcoming: The Essence of Your True Self provides a compassionate framework for this homecoming.
The cost of the mask is your aliveness. The reward of removing it is your freedom. It is the freedom to breathe fully, to connect deeply, and to build a life that resonates from the inside out. Your worth is not something to earn from the world. It is something to remember. The mask served a purpose, and you can thank it for its service. Then, with kindness and courage, you can let it go. A life of authenticity awaits, and it begins with a single, honest breath.
If this exploration resonates with you, discover a deeper pathway in BEcoming: The Essence of Your True Self by Richard Davies. This book offers a profound guide to silencing the noise of expectation and courageously living your truth.
